Re-Definition

I don't know if I have any faithful readers, but really do hope i do. It would be nice if I did. :)


You may have noticed that I have not written anything in a long time.
I will not make any excuses but I will give you an actual reason.

I recently started attending code school at Moringa and I have gotten a chance to mingle with the part of tech community of Nairobi. Through this I have been able to meet and learn through some really interesting people that you never get to hear about often. Some of these people have really changed the way I look at life.

Two of these people are the amazing lawyer, activist and blogger Ory Okolloh and the awesome Huston Malande of Skyline Design.
Just listening to them has made me decide that I want to do just more with what I have. That it is not just enough to sit at your desk and imagine. You validate yourself by doing something with the time you have here on earth.

I have always been a thinker and a talker but most of the time I just think about stuff and argue in my head. I may write them down sometimes but most times I forget. In my opinion some these things are really good and could have helped someone.

I want do something with my ideas.

I am not looking to change the world but I am looking to tell a story from my perspective and if given the chance, other peoples perspective as well.

I am working on something really big. I have thought about setting up my own site for a long time and Moringa School is helping me with that. The content will be almost different yet still the same. i want to remain true to who I am.
I plan to invite contributions , I know I have not given much details but I will as we progress.
Watch this space.

Thank you for your time. ;)

One Resolution

Last year i remember making a resolution to post something at least every week. Well, that did not pan out so well, did it? I could make excuses and blame it on time, work, something... but we know that would  be a total lie. I am not as busy as I would want you to believe although the idea of being busy is rather satisfying.
So this year I make just one resolution, No Excuses.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? Well for someone like me, it really isn't. I like to have options. I want to look at a list of things and say, 'I like this one better than that one'. When it doesn't work out as planned I always have a reason why. This may be the definition of 'making excuses' to many people. I also happen to be a little bit lazy... Just sometimes.

2015 is not the year for that. This year, I will change my perspective on life. I will look at things differently, do the opposite of what I wouldn't normally  do... Most importantly, MAKE NO EXCUSES.
That is my one resolution.

Happy New Year.

Asleep At Last- The Wailin' Jennys

These women have wonderful voices...

The Wailin' Jennys - Long Time Traveller With Lyrics

This is my new favorite song...

Silence is Golden, Speech is Silver... I like Silver.

Despite what many think, being a girl in your twenties is really hard. These are your glory years when you are supposed to discover yourself, live a little, make lifetime friends, find your forever after, become an alcoholic and quit in time.

You have just 12 years, 18 to 30, to figure out what kind of midlife crisis you want to have. That is a lot of pressure for one person. At 23 I feel like I have not exactly used those 6 years correctly. Fine I have done some of those things, well mostly in fractions I mean I am barely half way through discovering myself. I could blame it all on school but that would be a straight up lie. I am not exactly the perfect student. I will graduate but not the Einstein type of graduate.

Some days like today I just sit and think of my past years and I wonder what I could have done differently. A lot of things come to mind like, I could have done something else in school, made different friends, attended more parties, chosen different boys, and you know that kind of crap.

Somebody said to ‘Never regret your past decisions because at one time, it’s exactly what you wanted’.

I see that. I still have six good years left. There is still a lot of time to finish what I started. To curve out the path I picture in my head. I can still get those grey curtains I have always wanted, that rose tattoo on my left arm, that portrait of butterflies I saw on display once. It’s not too late to sign up for dance classes, is it?

I want to learn how to drive. I want to change my hair. I want a manipedi. I want blueberry ice cream. I want to wear a crop top. I want to sing on stage. I want to bat my eyelashes at a crush. I want to meet… I haven’t decided which famous person just yet although a lot of rugby players are on that list. Did I mention that the chiefs might not win Super Rugby this season? What a bummer.

Point is, I am not ready to just settle down just yet. I hate that it took me a crisis to realize that. Yes, we have been down this road before. I won’t give any buts. I do want to follow through. I even made a list that has 40 things on it. Can you believe that? 40! I feel like I already own cats.

Ha-ha! I’m not hating on cat people, but I’m just not there yet. Besides I would really make a terrible cat person, I would never clean up poop.

This was really for me. Judge me all you want but some people drink, some cry, some people play sad music… I do all that too but putting down my feelings does a lot for me. That’s why I write as if I am having a conversation with somebody. It’s my therapy.

Yes, I do have friends. Just in case you are wondering.

Love poem medley by Rudy Francisco

Everybody want to hear something like this from that special somebody... Even just once.

I want love...

I want love...

I want to wake up at 3 am in the morning just to make sure I am alive because I cant wait to see your face.
I want to look into your eyes and see the sun set on a rainy day, To see 9 rainbows in the dark sky and a full moon on cloudy night.

I want love...

I want to breathe in the vibrations in your voice and fill my lungs with your smile until it suffocates me,
I want to touch your lips with my fingers and feel a surge through my body
...that would ground my feet to spot where i stand.
I want to smell your skin,
Your sweaty body on mine in the rain and we wouldn't know the difference,
Nigga, i want love!

I want love...

I want your hands to hold me tight until your fingers sing symphonies to hairs on my back...
And you nails whisper love poems to my curves.
I want your palms to cause waves on my thighs and feet...
Damnit, i need love!

I want love...

That love that makes me want to get up in the morning...
That love that plants daisies in my stomach...
That love that draws pictures in my smiles...

That love that creates a future in my mind...

That love that makes me shiver in beautiful pain...

Give me love?

I want love!

 

I want to look at you and never stop.I want to see you through God's eyes.

I want to know what he was thinking while he was making you.

Such undefinable perfection.

I could never look away.

 Amen

Pray, let go...

There's nothing that hurts more than when the person you love says they are miserable and it is because of you. It's like having menstrual cramps, giving birth and pushing kidney stones at the same time.

I know you already scrolling and judging. I mean who am I to be sitting here like I got it all together, as if I know what that is all about. Hear me out for a second. Pretend we are bffs having a conversation and you're feeling me.
You feel me yet?
No? Ok, we'll get there.




Everybody deserves to be happy. Everybody deserves to walk around with a smile on their face every second of every day. You know that happiness is contagious kind of ish?
If you are the reason why somebody is unhappy, do the world a favour. Pray, let go. Don't insist on sticking around when all you do is cause misery. You are not doing either of you any good.
I get it, you probably love the person and you don't hurt them intentionally, but fact is, they're hurting and you need to go.

Cry if you must. Play Taylor Swift all day. You know, to remind you that there is somebody out there who is more miserable than you are. Go have a drink, more than enough if you dare. Burry yourself in your work, go bungee jumping... Tweet that shit if it will make you feel better.
You are young, these things are supposed to happen. Hearts break every other day and people fall in love with the same frequency. Yours is just part of the equation.
Just let them go.
(I should really take my own advice sometimes)



If it wasn't meant to be, it will never be. You are the right rib, just the wrong chest.

Remember to Remember

Life is a Bitch, that's for sure. But when dealing with a bitch, there are ways around it. She is either your friend or your enemy. As your friend, she will love you with all the loyalty in the world and as your enemy, well, you would be attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis. basically, you're screwed.

I was on my way to work; its just attachment, I am aware, but I get up in the morning and hustle like all the grown ups do so will call it work if I want to. *smiley*
Yeah, so I am om my way to work... It is raining, there is mud all over, I am slipping and sliding, my feet look like I just went swamp fishing barefoot, my good clothes have mud marks all over. I mean me and this bitch call life have a relationship drawn from an indifference for each other. I cant walk anymore so I call one of my best friends in the entire world, David my bodabaoda guy, Don't you judge me! This guy is very loyal. 
He saves from my misery and gets me to the road, safely. I must add.
I get a matatu, I am over charged, I hit myself on one of the seats, I'm bleeding, I know nobody cares... But I get to work in one piece, late, but in one piece.
 


Give me a moment, I am getting to the point.

Basically I am saying, Nothing is ever going to work out Exactly how you plan. You will not always get what you expect. Especially if this bitch doesn't like you much. I can say this now because i feel like a super hero. If you saw me right now you wouldn't guess where I had been just an hour ago. People around me don't even care.
 

I look back and I consider it as an adventure, I have made a memory. Its not an entirely a good one but now I know to call David as soon as I'm ready to leave. See, a lesson! *smiley*
Tomorrow will not be the same experience, who knows, I might get a lift from a neighbour, but my destination will still be the same.

That Title doesn't fit, does it? 
I don't think so either.

Defending The Faith...

The best part about being able to express yourself through words, i could say 'being a writer' but I would be lying if I told I know what being a writer is all about, is the part where every article you come up with there is somebody out there who thinks is about them.
You could be writing about how your two love birds, these could be actual birds, are not speaking to each other anymore. An ex-boyfriend is probably sitted on his couch reading and thinking, 'She is totally talking about me.' Or maybe some random person feeling sorry for you like, 'She must be so sad.'
You probably overheard a conversation on the train, or felt your cousin's pain, better yet you had an epiphany after watching the discovery channel.
I am laughing out loud.
It is true that there is always a story behind every word, but it ain't always about you.

I had a disagreement with somebody the other day and he actually asked, 'So when are you going to write a blog about me?' That question made my day. I mean some people actually believe they are worth that much. There is a word for such persons, Elitists. Urban Dictionary relates it to douchebage, prick and asshole. Ha ha! I didn't say it, they did.
I am not as good as Adele.
People please, its just poetry, words, crap or whatever you choose to call it. (Yes. i am laughing out loud again).

It is satisfying when people can relate to your work and even share an opinion. That was the intended purpose anyway.
I am just defending the faith in my own words.

Take it or leave it, we will all die.

ME AND MY SHADY GLASSES

Looking at the sun through shady glasses

But I see nothing in its mass of gasses

Light so bright blinding the masses

They don't realize they no longer in darkness.

Ye souls,

Dark clouds surround it

And there's no positivity around it.

Negativity, Pessimism, Partiality,

Hearts caged in bars of downbeat adjectives.

Everybody looking for contraceptives.

But prevention is almost impossible.

The sky is the limit but the clouds are ever changing

On the other side the sun is always shining

….. but that ain't what my eyes can see through these shady glasses!

LOVING AND LOSING

I have loved as I have lost.

I have given my all, but not received the most.

I have prayed,

Never strayed,

Believed,          

Perceived,

Even conceived,

But still, I have lost.

I have smiled as we walked the mile,

Held hands with feet in the sands.

I have concentrated, debated,

              Compensated,

Almost consecrated.

Even still, I have lost.

Day and night I have cried,

I’ve felt hurt,

I’ve had to have lied.

Why was I in the dirt?

Then again I prayed

     And I stayed.

Yeah, you guessed it, I still lost.

I have looked in the mirror and wondered why.

Stared out the window and never figured out how.

Hoped.

Dreamed.

Prayed a third time.

I imagined it was because I was shy,

Or maybe it was how I mauled.

I don’t get why I lost, But I know I did lose.

My heart is in the gutter,

But I am afraid to pick it up.

I know the pieces will scatter if I try to lift it up.

I see no future for my tattered soul.

I only have myself to console.

I have loved and I have lost, but I will love again

SOME NIGHTS I DONT WIN...

‘Ssup!

It’s been a while, huh?

What can I say, I’ve been busy.

Busy making friends,

Busy falling in love,

Busy taking exams,

Busy going to work,

Christmas, New Years.

Then busy falling out of love.

Basically too busy living my life.

Its crazy,

When I’m in the middle of the second last part is when I remember I can write this stuff down.

I am full of emotion as I’m typing but I trust I’m going to be just fine.

Although I’m still not sure of which stage of grief I am in. It kinda feels like anger and totally past denial.

I just can’t wait for the acceptance part but I don't plan on rushing anything.

It will come when it comes.

Been listening to a lot of ‘Fun’ lately and I love ‘Some Nights’.

You know those songs you feel are talking about you, this one was meant for me.

‘Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck,

Some nights I call it a draw. . .

Some nights I wish that this all would end. . .

. . . Some nights I always win.’

Some nights I go to bed feeling down and under

Some nights I’m happy and I love life

Some nights I don’t know.

Whatever way I go down at night,

I still wake up at the same time every morning

To the same routine with the hope of something new.

Something exiting.

All the same, I’ve made a memory that I wish to forget.

. . . Some nights I always win.

Just not tonight.

OF KENYANS AND SOCIAL MEDIA.

Kenyans are the type of people who ruin everything. From the simple things to the big things.

Take social media for example. We are so desperate for attention we’d go to the weirdest of lengths just to be noticed! From stupid ideas to naked pictures. Some people don’t mind labeling themselves whores and sluts, if it will make them ‘famous’. I put that in quotes because the Oxford dictionary and I agree on the definition of fame and it is not that!

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram… these social sites are full of hungry and idle Kenyan folk who have no self-respect whatsoever. You can no longer use social media for the way it was intended, to socialize. Then again, not everyone understands the meaning of socializing. When it comes to Craig’s list, well that’s just a site for awkward people. Funny, you won’t find any Kenyans there claiming it’s for losers when they actually fit the profile.

In this day and age, there is no way you can have a ‘normal’ conversation with a dude with him asking for a picture of your boobs by the 3^rd text or tweet! I mean what the eff??? I don’t know you like that man! I just want to have a conversation! Is that too much to ask? Just because you are on a dry spell, we both should realize by this time that it is due to your repulsive and disgusting nature, doesn’t mean that I am!

The Kenyan population on social sites has the largest number of critics when it comes to other people’s grammar. In my opinion, I think these fellows are yet to recover from the shock of that A in English they got back in high school. Not that it’s relevant, I also had an A but you don’t see me going around tutoring grammar to the less privileged. Unless they ask for it of course. My point is, it is hypocritical to run around dismissing other people for their English yet Kenyans coin and trade mark the most ridiculous words. Words that even the word silly thinks are sillier!

Fap, nyap (I have never typed such and it burns me to do so)…. Some words are just too uncouth to type. Come one people, it makes no sense!

God created the world in six days and on the seventh he rested.

…… on the eighth day, I think that’s when he came up with the idea of Kenya!

Then again, I’m just saying!

WE NI NUGU, MIMI APANA!

I never watched any of The Lion King movies until yesterday. After over three hours of staring at the screen nonstop, I’m like ‘wow!’.  That’s exactly what I needed.  Some inspiration.

I have spent a lot of my time thinking, contemplating, trying to figure out what I want, what I need, what I have to do. I’m not saying Simba gave me answers, although Rafiki gave me lots a clues, I am barely reacting to the energy, passion and emotion surrounding both films. Shit happens; it’s how we clean ourselves after, that matters.

‘Asante sana, squash banana,

We ni nugu, mimi apana.’

Rafiki chants for a while. After much rewinding and forwarding trying to figure out what he’s saying, I realize, he’s not making any sense. It doesn’t have to make sense. But I get it now. It was irrelevant.

Not everything is supposed to have meaning. These are better of ignored if you have to make progress. Forwarding and rewinding will do you no good. In fact you’re going to feel like you’ve wasted time on something useless. Well, yeah, it was a teaching moment but what did you learn? That it’s unimportant?

I beat myself up all day for being lazy, not doing what I’m supposed to do.

I just noticed that statement has no relevance to what I’m trying to say here but you get my point. Ignore it, its unimportant as much as it is true.

The soundtrack of the second movie ‘He lives in me’ by Tina Turner is responsible for my good mood today. I have no idea to who she refers to but I know I want to listen to it again and again. Yes, this information is very relevant in case you’re wondering.

That song that gets you in that good is not unimportant.

Keep it. You’re going to need it

                                                                                                                                                                  …. In Upendi!!