WOULD'T IT BE NICE...?

Wouldn’t it be nice if life was simple…?

If we never had to worry about good or evil.

If we could just do stuff as long s they made us happy.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all have what we wanted…?

If it wasn’t chosen who should keep what and who should go hungry.

If everyone understood you.

We look at each other and from every angle and there is a difference.

There are those who have it and do who couldn’t care less.

Those who are curious and those who aren’t.

We all want something out of this life.

Selfish or generous.

It aint wrong to want what we want.

At least that’s how I see it.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone who cares…?

Someone who does not mind who or what you are.

Someone you can always count on, who you know will forever share your burdens.

Someone who would give up everything just to see you happy.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could do the same for them...?

I look around me and I don’t know what I have or even if I want it.

I don’t know if I must keep it or if I can change it at will.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we just knew…?

Simple Misery

This morning I opened my eyes but I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to get out of bed. So I didn’t do it. I never wanted to see any daylight; my feet did not feel like touching the ground and my mind did not want any class. I bailed out on a C.A.T for the first time in my life. It’s now 1700hrs and I’ve been in bed all day. I haven’t eaten or drank anything…. But it doesn’t really matter. It’s the least of my worries.

Last night I went to bed with enthusiasm. I wanted to get up early and make my Monday morning class after a long time; I wanted a good breakfast and a lovely day. I asked a friend to wake me up when he does so I won’t have to be late. I closed my eyes with a smile on my face… but that was last night.

My alarm went off and my friend called. I opened my eyes but I didn’t move. I didn’t even pick up his call. All I wanted to do was to go back to sleep and have no one bother me ever again. Each time someone knocked, on my door I didn’t even try… I just wanted them to go away. I just wanted to stare at my laptop or the ceiling, perhaps even the door. I just wanted to be left alone.

Junior texts me to hurry for a C.A.T I didn’t know was happening today. I don’t bother to reply because I know I’m not going. I don’t even think about. The only text I care to reply is from an old friend. Soon enough I realize that I had only made things worse. The conversation does nothing for my mood. If anything, it makes me feel worse. Everything is wrong.

The only time I get up is to go to the bathroom. After all, I’m still human. When I come back, I head straight to the window, straight for a razor.

….. I want to do it.

I keep passing it over my wrist but I never gather enough courage to press deep enough. When I do, hardly any blood comes out…. But the little pain freaks me out.

…. I am scared. I don’t want to die.

But I feel I must. Life would be simpler. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about C.A.Ts, practicals, rent, replying a text… If the people I want to care actually gave a damn or if I would ever be happy.

I would be in a better place, heaven or hell. Either way, I won’t have to care no more.

…. I just want the day to be over. I’ll figure things out tomorrow.

SHADES OF GRAY... Dear Diary.

      My alarm goes off at 5 am in the morning...
God knows that is way too early for someone with my lifestyle. But I set it on repeat in case I might want to change my mind. That is yet to happen though, but someday... Someday.

      I finally wake up 3 to 5 hours later. Usually I've already missed my early morning class but I'm not really bothered. It's late morning so I've escaped the shower traffic. I take my time in the shower, unless I feel I'm really late for something which doesn't happen quite often, a girl gotta be clean, you catch my drift. The corridor to the bathroom is probably filled with people at that time so I walk out in some fashion and they are all staring. Do I blame them? Not really.

    My clothes for the day are picked out with strategy. Those that do not require ironing are worn often. Those that don't need much work are in the their own pile. Sometimes when I'm feeling really good, I iron. Most of those clothes are still new though. I never run out of cool earrings to go. Got these really huge loops that I love but my mum totally hates. If I'm feeling extra lazy, It's just shorts and silver loops and I'm good to go.

     When I do get to class, I always take the back seat. I don't know why, but I find it rather comfortable. No one staring at my back for 3 hours. I write notes when I want to and I don't when  don't want to. I must say though, most of the time I actually want to. It's weird, I know. At this point Augustine tells me there is an assignment that is being handed in. I dint have time to think. So I copy his... Don't judge me, you do it too! Guess what, today I stayed till the end of the class!

      God bless the brother that invented noodles. Only takes 3 minutess to cook and all I need is hot water. It's like he foresaw my birth when he thought that up. I eat noodles until I'm out of clean tins then it's time I decided to do the dishes. FYI, I can cook. Really good food actually, but I only do so when I have to. Say I'm at home with my mother and she tells me to do so. You realise that I happen to do a lot of things only when I have to.

       *Sigh*… Basketball! I love this game man.
The energy and spirit involved is just awesome, you feeling me? The jumping up and down, passing the ball, dribbling and DAMN! Did you see that? I just made a three pointer! I am D.Rose up in here!


        I'm building to the point where it's 5 p.m. and Nyach has probably texted guys to show up for practise. I can hear Wanja yelling my name from the bottom of the stairs. I'm not answering her because I'm probably pretending I'm not home. You see I just did my nails and we don't want to ruin that. They are really pretty. So no basketball for me today.

         My fingers are spread out on the table, chilling for that crazy green polish to dry, and I'm staring at a movie on my laptop, waiting on the world to change. I might get up and make noodles for supper or just move the laptop to a chair and watch the movie from my bed, or maybe go upstairs to Juveh's for some company. Well, I take the easier option and my bed it is.

……. I'll start over tomorrow. Perhaps something might change.